New Friends New Foes Trigun Meets Yugioh!
by Astrostar
Summary: Have you ever wondered what would happen if Vash played Duel Monsters? Or if Wolfwood ever met Kaiba? Now, Vash,Joey,Yugi & Wolfwood must overcome the evils of Kaiba and Legato. Or as Wolfwood calls them the blue & brown squirrels. Or what would Kaiba do


**WE DO NOT OWN TRIGUN. WE DO NOT OWN YUGIOH!**

**EDITOR'S NOTE: In this story Legato is playing the role of Knives. **

**CAUTION: DO NOT READ this if you like Squirrels. Find out at the end why we hate squirrels.**

Trigun Meets Yugioh! New Friends and Foes

By: Joey Wheeler and Seto Kaiba

_Vash and Wolfwood enter and see Joey and Yugi. Joey of course is eating a box of doughnuts._

_Joey spots Vash and Wolfwood._

Joey: _Between bites. _"Hey, who are you?! _Vash is eyeing the doughnuts. _MY DOUGHNUTS!!!"

Vash: "Um? Doughnuts..." _tries to grab the doughnut box away from Joey_

_Fighting over the doughnut box breaks out between Vash and Joey._

Wolf: _breaking in between Vash and Joey _"Don't mind him he's just..... stupid."

Joey: _thinking Wolf is referring to him_ "WHAT?!!?"

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf_ "Who are you people and what are you doing here?"

_Wolfwood leans on Vash's shoulder. _

Wolf: _to Yugi_ "Just exploring. This stupid person here is Vash and I'm Nicholas D. Wolfwood but my friends call me Wolf."

_Kaiba enters. Vash and Wolfwood mistake **Kaiba** for **Knives**. _

Kaiba: "Well, well, well. The geek squad isn't together for a change. I guess some things are possible. Now, let's see now, if Wheeler can get a brain."

_Vash has a doughnut in his mouth and is confused. Joey sticks out his fist towards Kaiba._

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "What's it to you, Kaiba? What have we done?"

_Vash grabs Kaiba's collar, points his gun at Kaiba's face and Wolfwood has his gun pointed and ready as well._

Vash: _to Kaiba going nuts_ "I finally found you Knives! There's no escaping this time!!"

Kaiba: _to Vash_ "What do I look like silverware? Who's Knives?"

Wolf: _to Kaiba_ "Don't think coloring your hair brown can change anything, Harry Potter!!"

Kaiba: _to Vash and Wolf _"I'm Seto Kaiba you fools!!!"

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf_ "Guys, Kaiba's not this weirdo named Knives."

_Vash lets go of Kaiba's collar and lowers his gun. Wolfwood lowers his cross and Kaiba exits thinking these people are mental. Yugi notices the cross._

Yugi: _to Wolf_ "What are you........ a priest?"

Wolf: _to Yugi. Turns his head left to right slowly, checking around him, and said _"Yes."

Joey: _to Vash and Wolf_ "By the way I'm Joey Wheeler the Great."

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf in a small voice_ "And I'm Yugi."

Wolf and Vash: _to Joey and Yugi _"Pleased to meet you."

_The four of them walk to a doughnut shop, across the street from Kaiba Corps. and sit at a table._

Yugi: _to Vash_ "So, Vash..... what's your back round?"

Vash: _Vash is silent for a moment and then replies _"I'm just.... _puts his head down_ I was at one point a wanted man.... but now I try to stay out of fights."

Wolf: _to Yugi and Joey_ "I'm just a wanderer who carries a cross to protect myself."

_Yugi looks at his watch._

Yugi: _to Joey_ "We have to pick up our duel disks, Joey."

Vash and Wolf: _confused_ "What's a duel disk?"

_On the way to the store Yugi explains what a duel disk is. While Joey is stuffing his face with doughnuts on the way._

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf_ "A duel disk is a special disk designed by Kaiba Corps. to bring the card game, Duel Monsters (Magic and Wizards) to life as holograms."

_Joey and Yugi get there duel disks and put them on and try to give Vash and Wolfwood an example but receive a nasty shock instead._

Yugi: "What the heck?! What's wrong with these things?!"

Joey: _doing peace sign to Yugi _"You O.K, Yug?"

Yugi: _to Joey _"We have to tell Kaiba about this, this can be very dangerous."

Joey: _to Yugi _"O, come on. Do we **have** to go to that Kaiba **creepy** Corps."

Vash: _to Yugi _"How do you play Duel Monsters?"

Yugi: _to Vash_ "Here I can teach you. _to Joey_ Joey, let Vash borrow your deck."

_Sitting on the side walk. Joey and Wolfwood watch as Yugi and Vash play._

Vash: "I play Dark Hole in attack mode!"

Yugi: _to Vash_ "You can't play Spell cards in the Monster Zone."

_Yugi rattles off all the rules to Vash. Then Yugi and Vash begin a new game._

Vash: "I place Red Eyes Black Dragon face down in my Trap/Spell Zone."

Wolf: _to Vash_ "Man, you're dumb. Even I get it and I wasn't even playing."

Vash: _to Wolf_ "You know what?! You better shut up or I'll crucify you!!"

_Yugi and Vash stop playing. All of them head towards Kaiba Corps. They get to Kaiba's office on the 13th floor. Only Yugi and Joey go in. Vash and Wolfwood stay outside the office._ _The office is empty._

Joey: _dumbfounded_ "Oh, we came here for nothing?? _grinning_ Let's mess with Kaiba's office."

_Joey sits down on Kaiba's office chair pulls out a cigar from one of the drawers and puts one in his mouth. Starts spinning around in the office chair._

Joey: "Look at me I'm Kaiba. I'm a big spoiled brat. Give me a raise."

_Joey pushes the office chair over to the security camera in the corner of the room. Joey stands on top of the office chair with his back facing the security camera. _

Joey: "Good thing this is not a security camera... or I wouldn't be doing this."

_Joey pulls down his pants and his doughnut boxers are showing. Joey begins to moon the security camera. _

Yugi: _to Joey_ "Joey..... that's a security camera."

_Joey stops quickly pulls his pants up and jumps off the office chair. _

Joey: "Oh, s!! Kaiba's going to see that I just know it."

Yugi: _to Joey_ "Let's get out of here." _Trying to hold back a laugh._

_Back in the hallway...._

Joey: _to Vash and Wolf _"He wasn't there."

Wolf: _to Joey_ "What the hell was going on in there?!"

Joey: _to Wolf nervous _"Uh.... nothing..... Cigar?"

_Wolfwood takes the cigar and puts it in his pocket._

_Vash looks at Yugi._

Yugi: _to Vash _"You don't want to know. Trust me." _Holding in a laugh._

_Then a stranger is walking down the hallway further down. Joey thinking its Kaiba walks down there calling his name._

Joey: _to stranger yelling_ "HEY KAIBA!! _Pause_. HEY CREEP!! _Pause._ HEY STUPID!! _Pause._ HEY UGLY!! _Pause_. HEY DUMBO!!"

_The stranger keeps walking away from Joey not looking back at Joey. Joey runs up to the stranger and now is right behind him. _

Joey: _to stranger in tough voice_ "Hey, how come you don't look at me when I talk to **you** for once?"

_The stranger turns around and turns out to be a Kaiba with blue hair. Vash and Wolfwood of course know who this person is and are getting ready to protect Joey even through they are down the hall away from Joey._

Joey: _to blue haired stranger_ "Did you like have paint dumped on you?"

Vash: _yelling and warning Joey_ "JOEY! WATCH OUT! IT'S NOT KAIBA!!!"

_Joey turns around to face Vash down the hall._

Joey: _to Vash _"It sure is ugly enough to be Kaiba."

_The blue haired stranger grabs Joey by the neck with a firm grip. Has the muzzle of the gun on the back of Joey's head. _

Joey: _Thinking_ "Why is he poking me?"

_Joey turns his head around and now has the muzzle of the gun pointed at his forehead. _

Joey: _Thinking _"All dear, God!"

Vash: _to blue haired stranger yelling _"I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU HURT ANYMORE OF MY FRIENDS, KNIVES!!!!!! _real low tone _Like what you did to my friend, Rem."

Yugi: _to Vash_ "Who's Rem?"

Vash: _to Yugi almost crying _"Rem, **was** my friend who sacrificed herself to save the rest of mankind..... but Knives had her sacrifice herself like that purposely."

Knives: _to Vash _"She got what she deserved."

Vash: _to Knives yelling _"YOU BASTARD!!!"

_At this Wolfwood clicks his cross along with Vash and his gun and points at Knives who is still pointing at Joey. _

Wolf: _to Knives threaten tone _"You're going to die now Knives for saying that!! And for everything else you did!!"

_Knives starts to laugh sarcastically _

Knives: _to Wolf and Vash_ "By all means go ahead and shoot me.... but my trigger might accidentally fire and kill your friend here before the bullets hit me..." _snicker_

Yugi: _worried _"He wouldn't."

Wolf: _to Yugi _"He would."

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf _"Then you can't shoot and risked Joey's life!"

_Vash lowers his gun. Wolfwood is surprised. _

Wolf : _to Vash _"You're not going to let that stop you?!"

Vash: _to Wolf _"We can't risk his life like this."

Wolf: _to Vash _"So, you're just going to let him take him?!?"

Vash: _to Wolf _"We have no choice ... not now at least."

_Wolfwood still has his cross aimed at Knives. _

Vash: _to Wolf _"Put it down, Wolf. _Pause. commanding tone _Put it down! Do you want to risk his life like this and lose him? We can help him later."

_Wolfwood puts his cross down. Wolfwood still wants to shoot Knives and Vash is worried about Joey getting hurt because of him. _

Knives: _to Wolf and Vash _"Wise choice."

_Knives still holding Joey by the neck and pointing the muzzle at Joey's forehead begins to walk backwards up some stairs and is gone. Wolfwood is frustrated in not helping. _

Wolf: _angry loud tone and kicking his cross _"DAMN!!!!"

_Meanwhile...... Knives took Joey up on the roof of Kaiba Corps and ties Joey up in this big chair next to Kaiba._

Kaiba: _looking at Wheeler as Joey's being tied up. _"Great, I've got to die next to a dog."

Joey: _to Kaiba _"Oh, shut up! You're going to die ugly. _to Knives in a challenging voice _Hey, you've got just one gun. What are you going to do? Shoot us one at a time??"

_At that Knives reaches into his trench coat and pulls out another gun. One gun pointed at each of them. _

Kaiba: _to Knives _"Good answer."

Joey: _to Kaiba questionable/ surprised tone _"Whose side are you on anyways?"

_Meanwhile.... Vash, Wolfwood and Yugi followed up the stairs Knives went and came to a locked metal door. _

Yugi: "How are going to break this down?"

_Wolfwood clears his throat and points at his cross. Vash and Yugi jump out of the way. Wolfwood blows the door to smithereens. Knives sees them in the corner of his eye._

Knives: _to Vash _"Vashy come to play?"

_Now back to Kaiba and Joey who are about to be killed by Knives right next to each other._

Joey: _to Kaiba in a whispering voice _"Psssst. Kaiba. _Kaiba looks at Joey in the corner of his eye._ I have a swiss army knife in my pocket."

Kaiba: _to Joey in a whispering tone_ "Who are you? MacGyver?"

Joey: _whispering back to Kaiba _"Don't you wanna live?"

Kaiba: _Pause_

Joey: _whispering to Kaiba _"Don't you wanna see ya brother? Hey, if you don't mind go ahead and die. I'll just take care of your brother and raise him to be like me and act like me and look like me and eat donuts like me and...."

Kaiba: _whispering and interrupting Joey _"Hell no!"

Joey: _whispering to Kaiba _"O.K. then I'm going to get us out of here."

_Joey gets his swiss army knife out of his back pocket and slowly and sneakily cuts the ropes without Knives noticing. Just then Knives tries to shoot them and Joey and Kaiba at the last possible second jump out of the chair and are now both stuck by the ledge of the building with no place to go but down and Knives walks towards them slowly. With Wolfwood, Vash and Yugi sneaking behind Knives._

Kaiba: _to Joey _"You're so smart, now what do we do?"

Joey: _to Kaiba _"I'll think of something."

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "Think? Don't you have to know the meaning of the word in order to do that?"

Joey: _to Kaiba mad tone_ "I wish you were dead. Or do you want to go back to the lab and get your **bolts** tighten? _to Knives in a begging sort of tone_ Do the honors, will ya?" _pointing to Kaiba_

Wolf: _to Joey _"Just keep it kool, Joey. _tune to "Cool" from Westside Story._ _Wolf snapping fingers. _Boy, boy, crazy boy. Get cool boy. Got a rocket in your pocket. Keep cooly cool, boy. Don't get hot. Cause, man you got some high times ahead. Take it slow, and daddy-o. You can live it up and die in bed. Boy, boy crazy boy. Stay loose boy. Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it. Turn off the juice boy. Go, man go. But not like a yo-yo schoolboy. Just play it cool, boy. Real cool........"

Vash: _breaking in. to Wolf. in an upset tone. _"SHUT UP! _Hits Wolf on the back of his head with his gun_ THIS IS SERIOUS!!"

Joey: _to Kaiba _"I have a plan."

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "Not another one of your meathead ideas."

_Knives smirks_

Joey: _to Kaiba angry tone again_ "Does it look like my head tastes like a meatball?!"

Kaiba: _to Joey "_Baka! (Idiot) It means dead from the neck up!!"

Joey: _to himself_ "O.K. I'm not going to let Kaiba get to me. _to Yugi _Yug, got any rocks?"

Yugi: _to Joey in a questionable tone _"Yeah......."

Joey: _to Vash_ "Have any rubber bands?"

Vash: _to Joey just as confused as Yugi_ "Yeah."

Joey: "Does anyone have any sticks?"

Wolf: _to Joey_ "I have two cigars I was saving for later."

Joey: _to Wolf _"Mmmmm. Good enough."

_Joey sticks out two fingers up high and pretends to pull an imaginary string in between his two fingers with his other hand._

Vash: _completely clueless_ "What?"

_Wolfwood now completed the sling shot out of a rubber band, two cigars and a rock._

_Joey continues movement with fingers because he sees Vash doesn't get it and didn't see what Wolfwood is holding. Then Joey stops making the movement and points at Wolfwood. Vash looks at what's in Wolfwood's hand._

Vash: _in an 'I got it' tone and loud _"Ohhhhh, you what us to make a sling shot!!"

_Wolfwood launches the rock and without turning around Knives fires his gun and destroys the rock in mid air. Joey's jaw opens, kneels down and has his fingers curled up and lets out a disappointed groan. _

Kaiba: "What happened? I blinked and I missed it."

_Joey looks at Kaiba and groans disappointedly again. _

Knives: _to Joey_ "That's right, bow down before your master."

Joey: _to Vash angrily _"Vash, you stupid BLONDE!!"

Kaiba: _to Joey _"Someone's a hypocrite."

Vash: _to Joey yelling_ "Your mom's blonde too, so shut up!!" _Vash gives Joey the pinky finger. (In the US it's the middle finger)_

Joey: _to Vash_ "You don't even know my mom so you shut up!!!!"

Kaiba and Knives: _yelling together at Vash and Joey_ "BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!"

Yugi: _to Vash and Wolf_ "Guys we have to think of something."

Wolf: _to Yugi_ "Will you take that duel disk off?"

Yugi: _little light bulb above his head_ "That's it the duel disk! _to Joey_ Joey, I've figured out a way to get you both out of this mess."

Joey: _to Yugi_ "What?"

Yugi: _to Joey_ "You'll see."

Wolf: _whispering to Yugi_ "Yugi you can use my cross to power up your duel disk to 10 million volts even Knives couldn't survive that."

Yugi: _to Wolf_ "O.K."

_Wolfwood starts powering up Yugi's duel disk behind Knives' back. Knives still has his eye on Joey and Kaiba and his fingers on the trigger. _

Joey: _thinking to himself _"What are they doing? _little doughnut appears above his head. to Kaiba _Hey, Kaiba, what they're doing they're recharging....."

Kaiba: _interrupting Joey_ "I know what they're doing, Wheeler. I think unlike you, Wheeler. Are you going to let Knives know again? Then Vash will be calling you the stupid blonde."

Knives: _to Joey_ "No, please do go on...."

Joey: _acting dumb_ _to Knives_ "I don't know what they're doing cause I have no clue."

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "You have no brains is more like it."

Yugi: _to Joey and Kaiba_ "Will you two stop fighting. You're in no position to start unless you want to get killed."

Vash: _to Joey agreeing with Yugi_ "Yeah, _Pause._ what the porcupine on fire said."

Knives: "Well, I find their bickering quite amusing."

_Knives turns one hand around and without looking behind him starts shooting at the duel disk, five times. The duel disk falls apart. _

Wolf: _in slow motion_ "Ohhhh........... crappppp."

Narrator: "Only Wolf didn't say crap he said the "f" triple dash word." - _from A Christmas Story _

_Yugi now does the disappointed groan along with the curved fingers._

Vash: _to Wolf_ "Wolf don't say things like that. _Points to camera._ Little kids are watching us."

_Pause._

_Vash gets in front of camera and now is all suspicious._

Joey: "All great , this is the end."

_Joey starts singing "This is the end"_

Kaiba: _to Joey_ _interrupting him_ "I what to die in peace!"

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "That would be impossible because you have to live with yourself."

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "I rather die with myself than next to you."

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "I think in your past life you were a donkey."

Wolf: _to Kaiba_ "You ASS."

Joey: _to himself _"THINK.... THINK..... _like in Jimmy Neutron _THINK....."

Kaiba: _interrupting Joey_ "Gee, that's a new world record for you."

Joey: _still doing the Jimmy Neutron thing _"THINK... THINK..... THINK....."

Kaiba: _interrupting him again_ "Well, you've finally done it, Wheeler. You lost your marbles, flipped your lid, and went over the deep end. I thought you did that years ago."

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "Your mama's deep end!"

Joey: "I've got nothing."

Kaiba: _to Joey _"You've never had anything to begin with."

Knives: "That's it! Your bickering is now boring me to tears now. You are now dead." _gun click_

Joey: _shouting out_ "I never got laid by Mai!!"

_Everybody just stares at Joey. Knives freezes when Joey said that._

Vash: _to Joey_ "For once Joey, I'm glad you're stupid."

Joey: _thinking he's dead_. _Sees Kaiba._ "Wait, a minute..... I can't be in heaven... _pointing to Kaiba_ he's here."

Yugi: _to Knives_ "Knives, why are you doing this to our friends? What do you what from us?"

Wolf: _sarcastic_ "Maybe he wants to conquer an army of Smurfs." _(funny looking little blue people)_

Knives: _to Yugi_ "Since you won't be around after I'm though with your "friends" I'll tell you. To kill every human being on the face of the Earth!"

Joey: _to Kaiba nicely_ "Well, Kaiba..... this is it. You weren't all that bad. I mean sure you were a pain in the ass all the time and you always picked on me but you really weren't all **_that_** bad."

Kaiba: _to Joey _"Oh, that was a nice thing to say."

Joey: _to Kaiba(yelling) _"Come on, we're going to die! Don't you have anything **nice** to say about me?!"

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "You weren't so bad either, Wheel, _Pause. _Jjjjjooooooeeeeeeee...."

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "Yes, keep it coming."

Kaiba: _to Joey _"Jjjjjjjjoooooeeeeeee. _Pause._ Joey." _Pause._

Yugi: _shocked tone _"He said his first name!"

Wolf: _rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses_ "Oh, wow."

Joey: _to Kaiba angry tone _"Why, you wait till the last minute?! We're going to die dummy!! _Pause_ _Relax tone_ Ahhh, forget about it."

_Then a water substance drips down from Kaiba's eyes down his cheeks. _

Joey: _to Kaiba _"Uh, your face is leaking." _staring at Kaiba's face_

Knives: _to Kaiba_ "Oh, look at the little baby crying."

Joey: _looking at Kaiba disbelief tone_ "He's crying?"

Vash: _to Joey __sarcastic tone _"No, he's peeing from his face."

Joey: _to Kaiba _"Kaiba, I don't mean to insult you but you actually have a heart of some kind."

Knives: "Take a picture. It'll last longer."

_Knives shoots at Joey and Kaiba. The bullet aimed at Joey, goes though the top of his hair. Kaiba gets shot in his foot. Kaiba is hopping around on one foot while holding the other saying: _

"Ite-te-te-te-te-te-te-te!" _(Which translates to "Ow, ow, ow")_

Joey: _frustrated and outraged at Knives_ "NO, ONE MESSES WITH THE "DO" AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!"

_Joey has had enough and uses his duel disk to shock Knives and Knives fell over the building._

Joey: _frustrated_ "ALL THIS TIME I COULD HAVE USED THIS DUEL DISK!!"

Yugi: _quietly_ "He's finally gone."

_Vash walks over to the edge of the building looks down searching for Knives but of course he isn't at the bottom. Wolfwood is enraged. _

Kaiba: _to Joey enraged_ "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, WHEELER THAT I GOT A BULLET IN MY FOOT!!"

Joey: _to Kaiba mad tone _"Well, I got a **hole** in my** head**!"

Kaiba: _to Joey_ "How's that any different? You're full of air holes."

Yugi: _sighing to himself. _"Some things never change. _Breaks in between Kaiba's and Joey's fighting. Yelling. _"STOP YELLING AND FIGHTING AT EACH OTHER!! BEFORE YOU WERE ACTING LIKE FRIENDS!! I HOPE BOTH OF YOU SIT ON THE TOILET FOR A WEEK!!!!"

Kaiba: _to Yugi_ "That's why they invented Pepto Bismol."

Vash:_ uneasy feeling tone _"Guys, something's wrong. _Pause. _I think he's still out there."

Joey: _to Vash_ "There's no way he could have survived. He fell off the side of the building and went _Joey claps his hands hard_ "splat"."

_Wolfwood on the account that Knives isn't dead he decides to take his anger out on Kaiba cause duh, he looks like Knives. What better way to hurt Kaiba than do something to his company?_

Wolf: _to Joey_ "You don't know Knives. _Wolf is looking at Kaiba's "KC" on the building._

_to Kaiba _"Hey, Kaiba, does your building say "KC" or "K"?"

Kaiba:_ to Wolf _"What are you blind as a bat? It says "KC"."

_Wolfwood points his cross at the "C" in "KC" and blows the "C" in Kaiba Corps. up._

Wolf: _to Kaiba acting cool_ _and leaning on cross _"Now, it's says "K"."

_At this Kaiba grabs Wolfwood's cross and tosses the cross over the side of the building. Wolfwood runs to try and save his cross but can only hopelessly watch as the cross crashes to the sidewalk below. Wolfwood just stands there for a minute stunned. Vash's expression is like he did a **bad** thing. Yugi and Joey are not really surprised at what Kaiba did and Kaiba's expression is like a sarcastic boo hoo. Wolfwood turns around slowly towards Kaiba and Wolfwood is twitching. Wolfwood yanks Kaiba by his collar._

Wolf: _to Kaiba _"If I had the cross, I would nail you to it."

_Then Wolfwood tosses Kaiba over the side of Kaiba Corps. Vash and Wolfwood look over the side of the building but don't see Kaiba at the bottom either. _

Wolf: _angry/ surprised tone _"Where'd that son of a b go?!?"

Vash: _to Wolf _"Maybe they're one."

Wolf: "Well, they look the same. They're UGGGLLLYYY."

Yugi: _upset tone_ "This is not funny! We're talking about death here!"

_Meanwhile.........._

_Kaiba is hanging on a window still of an open office window and Kaiba can't just quite lift himself up. Kaiba begins to slip and at the last second is rescued by someone grabbing his hand. Kaiba is pulled towards the window but still hanging in mid air and has a gun pointed in his face. Behind the gun Knives is smirking at him. _

Knives: _to Kaiba_ "It ends here."

Kaiba: _to Knives _"I thought you were dead."

Knives: _to Kaiba_ "Don't always believe what your eyes tell you. Of all the people you should know that."

_Kaiba eyes grow tiny._

Knives:_ to Kaiba _"Since you are so much like me I'll give you a choice."

Kaiba: _to Knives _"What do you mean like you?"

Knives: _to Kaiba _"You never die, do you? Besides I like your wardrobe."

Kaiba: _to Knives _"Just state your business."

Knives: _to Kaiba _"Either you help me defeat Vash and Wolfwood or....."

Kaiba: _to Knives _"Or what?"

Knives: _to Kaiba_ "Or.... you fall to your **doom**!"

Kaiba: _to Knives _"That's not much of a chance now is it?"

Knives: _to Kaiba _"I can shoot you if you prefer and this time kill you. Not wound you, kill you. I have no trouble what- so- ever."

_Kaiba looks down at the pavement and then looks at the gun._

Kaiba: _disgusted tone _"Fine, I'll help you. _mad tone_ Just don't point that thing at me."

_Knives pulls Kaiba into the room and tosses Kaiba a silver gun which Kaiba catches. _

_Knives then pulls out other gun from his trench coat and now is holding two guns._

Kaiba: _to Knives_ "What do you me to do with this? _looking at gun_ Kill?"

_Pause._

Knives: _to Kaiba sarcastic tone _"No, I want you to shoot squirrels with it."

Kaiba: _to himself _"What is it with squirrels, these days?"

_Back to..... Vash, Wolfwood, Joey and Yugi. Who are walking down the stairs of Kaiba Corps. They get to the main floor and blocking the doors are none other than Kaiba and Knives. Kaiba with one gun and Knives with two all three pointed at them._

Joey: "You know I'm starting to get worried about Kaiba."

_Yugi looks at Joey perplexed. _

Knives: _to Kaiba _"Do the honors....."

_Kaiba gets ready to fire and just stops and holds that pose. Yugi, Joey, and Vash can't believe what Kaiba is doing._

Joey: _to Kaiba_ "Gee, Kaiba I knew you hate me but I didn't know you hated me that much."

Knives: _to Kaiba_ _commanding tone _"Shoot him first!"

_Kaiba is refusing to shoot and his hand holding the gun is shaking. _

Knives: _to Kaiba impatient tone_ "NOW!"

_Kaiba tosses the gun on the floor. Vash looks at Kaiba like he knew he couldn't shoot them. _

Knives: _to Kaiba losing it tone_ "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY IS IT SO HARD TO KILL SOMEONE?!?"

Kaiba: _to Knives _"I may think he's stupid...... _pause_... but I just can't kill him. I can't kill anybody."

Knives: _to Kaiba _"Well, if you wouldn't do it.... I will!"

_Knives puts one of his guns back into his trench coat and picks up the silver gun Kaiba throw on the floor. As Knives went to pick up the silver gun as Knives bent over Kaiba karate chopped the back of Knives' neck. Kaiba made a break for the elevator and soon after Knives recovers picks up the silver gun and heads after Kaiba. Joey soon begins to follow Knives. _

Yugi: _to Joey_ "Where you going, Joey?"

Joey: _to himself loud _"I can't believe I'm going to help a creep."

_Joey loses them in the hallway. Kaiba pops out of a corner and scares Joey half to death. Joey follows Kaiba to an elevator and both of them get inside. As the elevator starts to move they both hear a "clump" sound on top of the elevator. Kaiba and Joey both look up. Then from above bullets pour down in the elevator in random spots and Kaiba and Joey both try to stay out of the rain of the bullets. Joey is scared out of his mind and is pushing the emergency button on the elevator to make it stop and buzzing the intercom for help. Finally, the elevator doors open to the ground floor the bullets have stopped and Vash, Wolf and Yugi are standing outside the elevator doors. Joey is breathing heavily. _

Yugi: _to Joey_ "You O.K, Joey?"

Joey: _to Yugi cool tone but still breathing heavily _"No sweat."

_Joey steps out of the elevator. _

Yugi : _to Joey questionable tone _"Where's Kaiba?"

Joey: _to Yugi pointing behind him with finger_ "He was right behind...."_Joey turns head over shoulder_

_Joey runs back to the elevator and he sees Kaiba lying on the floor unconscious._

Joey: _to Kaiba worried tone _"Kaiba! Kaiba!"

_Kaiba opens his eyes._

Joey: _to Kaiba _"You O.K?"

Kaiba: _to Joey weakly _"I'm fine, Wheeler."

Joey: _to Kaiba _"Man, you don't look so good. How many fingers am I holding?" _holds up 3 fingers_

Kaiba: _to Joey weakly _"Oooooooowww. You have six fingers."

_Joey sees Kaiba is bleeding in his shoulder. Joey rips the arm part of his shirt off and bandages up Kaiba's wound. _

Joey: "You're going to the hospital, no questions asked."

_Kaiba slowly gets himself up._

Kaiba: _to Joey weakly _"I can take care of myself."

_As soon as he gets up he falls on Joey and Joey catches him. Joey carries Kaiba on his shoulder. As Joey drags Kaiba, Kaiba's feet are dragging and has a cold sweat. Joey rushes Kaiba to the hospital. _

_Later on.............._

_Vash, Wolfwood, Yugi and Joey are in the waiting room. All Kaiba had was a busted shoulder and his foot healed. Wolf is carrying busted pieces of his cross. _

Nurse: "You can come in now."

_Nurse leaves._

_Everyone looks at Kaiba expect Wolfwood. Kaiba comes conscious as everyone enters._

Kaiba:_ mad_ _tone _"All right, who did this to me?! I bet it was Wheeler! _Pause_. But wait Wolfwood threw me off the building...."

Yugi: _to Kaiba _"Actually, well it's true Wolf threw you off the building."

_Kaiba gives Wolfwood the pinky finger. (Middle finger in US)_

Wolf: _thinking to himself _"Whatever man, I don't know anything."

Yugi: _to Kaiba_ "Let me continue... Knives was the one who shot you but Joey brought you to the hospital."

_Kaiba looks at Joey. Joey is looking at Kaiba for a "Thank you" while he's eating the Jello._

Kaiba: _angrily to Joey _"Why you eating my Jello?"

Joey: _to Kaiba angrily_ "What do you mean eat your Jello?! I saved your ass!!"

_Vash gets between Kaiba and Joey._

Vash: _to Joey and Kaiba_ "O.K. O.K. No, more fighting. Just thank god no one died."

_The nurse comes in._

Nurse: "Time to take your medicine, Mr. Kaiba."

_Nurse pulls out a gun and takes off "her" hair to show blue hair. The "nurse" starts shooting all over the hospital room and Vash, Wolfwood, Joey, Kaiba and Yugi hit the dirt. Then Knives takes off leaving behind a room full of bullet holes. Vash chases down the hall after Knives. _

_Later.... back at the card shop. Grandpa, Yugi, Vash, Wolfwood and Joey are hanging out. Vash and Yugi are playing Duel Monsters. While Wolfwood is fixing his cross. Joey is still eating that Jello and watching everybody. Wolfwood has a green chalk board behind him and on one side the chalk board is labeled _Wolf 0_ and the other side is _blank_ and has a _**1**.

Wolf: _to himself somewhat loud _"Stupid Kaiba."

_Vash looks over at Wolfwood._

Vash: _to Wolf_ "What?"

Wolf: _looking at Nimble Momonga, a brown squirrel, on Monster Zone_ "I mean..... stupid brown squirrel."

Joey: _to Wolf_ _what's your problem tone _"What have you got against squirrels?"

Wolf: _to Joey fast response _"They carry briefcases!!"

Everyone goes: "Riiiiiiggggggggghhhht."

_Everyone continues there business. Wolfwood finishes his cross and starts to leave. _

Vash: _to Wolf "_Where ya going?"

Wolf: _to Vash in suspicious tone _"To shoot........... squirrels."

_Wolfwood goes back to the hospital and breaks down the door to the room Kaiba is in and sticks his head in._

Wolf: _to Kaiba threatening tone_ "Heeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeee's Wolfy!!"

_Wolfwood goes crazy and shoots all over the room. Leaves bigger holes than last time. As Wolfwood leaves a piece of his cross comes off and drops in the room. The Old Man in the next room to Kaiba now has a hole he can see into his room._

Old Man: "Keep it done in there! You young whippersnapper! We're trying to take a sponge bath!"

_Kaiba shudders. Nurse walks in._

Nurse: "What's going on in here?"

Kaiba: _to Nurse _"A priest tried to kill me."

Nurse: _to Kaiba _"O.KKKK. Righttt. I'm going to call security and have them take you to the nut house because you're in the wrong place."

_At this Kaiba jumps out the window. _

Nurse: "I stand correct."

_Meanwhile back at the card shop........_

_Knives comes in and starts to random shoot again. Grandpa tries to stop him but ends up falling and hurting himself and lands flat on his face. _

Yugi: _yelling to grandpa in slow motion_ "Grandpa!"

_Knives exits._

Vash: "Is everyone, O.K?"

Yugi: _to Vash worried tone _"Do you think he got Kaiba too?"

Vash: _worried tone _"I didn't even think about that."

_Vash picks up phone and calls Kaiba's room._

Operator: "The phone is not working, please call your phone company."

Vash: _very worried _"Oh, no! Maybe Knives did get to him!"

_So, Vash, Joey, and Yugi take Grandpa to the hospital and while they are there check up on Kaiba. They open the door to Kaiba's room and: _

Old Man: _excited tone _"We've got visitors!"

Yugi: _to Joey whispering _"Joey, go play Bingo with them while we figure this out."

_Joey goes over and starts to play Bingo with the Old Men. _

_Meanwhile, Vash finds a piece of Wolfwood's cross on the floor._

Vash: _thinking to himself _"I'm not surprised."

_After awhile Joey comes back with his prizes. _

Yugi: _to Joey questioning tone _"How did you get those?"

Joey: _to Yugi _"I won them."

Yugi: _to Joey _"You never win."

Joey: _to Yugi _"I took this for a reason. I mean what are they going to do with Battle Ship? It's dangerous. They could be playing and stroke out."

_Old Man comes out towards Joey._

Old Man: _to Joey _"You stole my Battle Ship!!"

_Old Man hits Joey on the head with cane. Wham! Joey gives it to the Old Man._

Joey: _stern tone _"FINE!!"

_Back to Game shop..._

_Wolfwood is waiting outside the Game shop with his motorcycle smoking._

Vash: _to Wolf _"Is this a piece of your cross?" _Holding out the piece of the cross towards Wolf._

Wolf: _pretending surprise _"Ooooo, there it is." _Takes cross piece from Vash._

Yugi: _to Wolf _"So, you did do this."

Wolf: _to Yugi _"I didn't want to **kill **him I just wanted to **spook **him. _to himself _Even through I should kill him. Stupid brown squirrel. Stupid blue squirrel....."

_Vash, Yugi, Joey and Wolfwood all go back into the Game shop and Vash tries to call Kaiba using 411. Wolfwood goes over to the score and eases the _0_ under _Wolf _and puts_ 1_ and then replaces the _blank name_ on the other side to _brown squirrel

Wolf: _to himself _"Wolf one. Brown squirrel one."

_Vash on the phone. _

Vash: _outraged at phone _"What the hell is going on here?!?"

Yugi: _to Vash curious _"What's wrong? Is it disconnected?"

Vash: _to Yugi sarcastic _"No, it's just the dial tone ringing."

_Wolfwood turns around and looks at Vash. _

Wolf: _to Vash_ _challenging him _"Are you going to be the stupid blonde, squirrel?"

Joey: _to Wolf outraged thinking Wolf means him _"Wanna mean?!? What's wrong with blondes??"

_Since the phone was disconnected, Vash, Wolfwood, Yugi and Joey go to an old fashion type of phone booth where you have a door and are surrounded by glass. They look up Kaiba's mansion phone number in yellow pages. Joey calls._

_**Ring. Ring. Ring.**_

_Mokuba picks up the phone._

Mokuba: _to Joey_ "Hello?"

Joey: _to Mokuba _"Mokuba, is that you?"

Mokuba: _to Joey _"Yes, it's me, Joey."

Joey: _to Mokuba _"Hey, let em' talk to, Kaiba."

Mokuba: _to Joey _"He's not.... _Knives walks in and points the gun at Mokuba. Mokuba sees Knives. _here.."

_Mokuba is frozen and staring at Knives. Knives takes the phone and hangs it up. The line goes dead. Joey takes the phone away from his ear and just looks at the phone questioned out and confused. _

Wolf: _to Joey _"What, did Mai hang up on you again?"

Joey: _to Wolf _"No, your mom did."

Vash: _to Joey and Wolf breaking them up before a fight starts in the phone booth. Getting between Joey and Wolf _"Alright, break it up you two."

_Joey and Wolf cool down and Joey calls Kaiba's mansion again. _

_**Ring. Ring. Ring.**_

_Mokuba is standing by the phone with Knives still pointing the gun at Mokuba. As the phone rings, Knives eyes the phone. Knives picks up the phone. _

Joey: _questionable tone _"Kaiba?"

Knives: _sounding and acting like Kaiba _"Yes, Joey..... _Pause_... I mean Wheeler."

_Joey is silent because he is weirded out and suspicious. Knives at this knows he has made a mistake. Knives hangs up. Joey redials Kaiba's mansion again and gets the operator._

Operator: _to Joey _"Sorry, your party is disconnected." _The message keeps repeating._

Yugi: _to Joey questionable tone _"What is it, Joey? Any answer?"

Joey: _to Yugi worried tone and shaking _"Yug.... it's a robot."

Vash: _to Joey angry tone _"You stupid blonde, it's the operator!"

_Joey angrily hangs up the phone. _

Joey: _to Vash angry tone _"You wanna take this outside?"

Vash: _to Joey _"My point exactly."

_Joey tries to open the phone booth by pushing on the doors. Of course we all know this doesn't work and Joey is starting to go crazy with fear that they are trapped in the phone booth and are going to die. Joey starts to gasp for air and pressing his hands hard against the glass trying to get out._

Vash: _to Joey _"It's like this."

_Vash pulls the door towards them and the phone booth doors open. Joey rushes out first and hyperventilates. Everyone else follows him._

Yugi: _yelling_ "Come on, guys! Just everyone stop fighting! We have to save the Kaiba bros!"

Joey: _wondering tone _"Well, how do we get there?"

Wolf: _on motorcycle ready to leave: _"Well, I have to get going."

_Everyone turns and stares at Wolfwood._

Wolf: _in a 'no way' tone and shaking head_: "No. No, no, no, no."

_Later on....._

Wolf: _to himself_: "How'd I get talked into this?"

_Wolfwood is driving with Vash on the seat behind him and Vash is holding onto Wolfwood's cross. Joey is seating in the passenger seat (the hook on seat for the motorcycle) with Yugi on top of Joey's shoulders holding on for dear life. Wolfwood is driving like a manic (speeding, sharp corners) and everyone is holding on for dear life._

_Inside......_

_Vash, Wolfwood, Joey and Yugi step inside and see Mokuba still by the phone scared stiff. Then Vash, Wolfwood, Joey and Yugi hear something upstairs and rush up there sneakily. Checking every room. They hear struggling in the bathroom and bust in and see nothing. They laundry shoot is open and hear bullets coming from downstairs. They all go down the laundry shoot one at a time and land in the basement. Kaiba runs towards them and knocks them out of the way. Knives chases after Kaiba. Everybody follows Kaiba and Knives to the living room again. Vash, Joey, Yugi, Kaiba, and Wolfwood see Knives kidnapping Mokuba. Knives runs out steals Wolfwood's motorcycle and Kaiba chases after Knives in his limo. Yugi, Joey, Vash and Wolfwood are trying to figure out how they are going chase after them. Then they see an ice cream truck. They get an idea. _

Wolf: _looking at the ice cream truck _"I have an idea."

_Vash walks up to the Old Man._

Vash: "Moves it, gramps!" _Shoves the Old Man aside._

_Then Vash, Yugi, Joey and Wolfwood steal the ice cream truck. Vash is driving and everyone else is eating ice cream in the back. Yugi doesn't like stealing the truck but wants to help the Kaiba bros. The ice cream truck follows the limo which follows the motorcycle. _

_Meanwhile....._

_Two kids walking on a sidewalk holding a wanted poster of the Vash the Stampede. _

Kid #1: "You think they every found that crazy nut bags, Vash the Stampede?"

Kid #2: "Look, just because he's a wanted man doesn't mean he's a manic."

_Just then Vash is speeding by in the ice cream truck near the side walk. While licking his ice cream. _

Vash: _crazy tone _"STRAWBERRY!"

_Eventually, they finally found the limo but it's empty. _

Wolf: _disappointed tone _"Great, I put my cross together for nothing."

_They look around and Wolfwood spots money on the ground. Wolfwood picks the money up and sniffs it like POT._

Wolf: _while sniffing _"It's the brown squirrel."

_Everyone looks at Wolfwood perplexed. _

Wolf: "I mean Kaiba."

_So, Wolfwood is sniffing the trail of money which leads them to a sewer. _

Joey: "No, way I'm going down there."

_Later...._

Joey: _disappointed groan _"I can breathe again."

_After coming out of the sewer and walking onto a dam. _

_In the distance.... Vash, Wolfwood, Joey and Yugi see Kaiba, Knives and Mokuba. Knives and Kaiba are fist fighting. Vash and Wolfwood try to shoot Knives (Wolfwood also Kaiba) Vash kept Wolfwood from shooting Kaiba and both of them gave up because Knives and Kaiba kept moving so much. Kaiba is pinned down by Knives and Knives starts punching Kaiba in the face. Joey rushes down there._

Joey: _to Knives yelling is standing behind Knives _"Hey, stupid blueberry Back Street Boy!"

_Knives and Kaiba continue fighting. Joey sees Knives' gun on the ground near him and picks it up. _

_**From this point on, Slow Motion.**_

_Joey shoots. Kaiba flips Knives over and pins him down. Kaiba gets shot in the shoulder blade and Wolfwood is smoking and when he puffs out the smoke shapes into a squirrel getting hanged._

_**Normal Motion.**_

_Knives rolls over to the other side stands up and pulls out his other gun from his trench coat and before Knives fires, Joey kicks Knives in the balls. Knives falls to the ground in pain and drops the gun. Joey grabs the other gun. _

Knives: _to Joey High squeaky voice _"I'm so going to kill you."

Wolf: "I didn't know the blue squirrel had nuts.... or the brown squirrel for that matter."

Vash: _to Wolf frustrated tone _"SHUT UP WITH YOUR SQUIRRELS!"

_Knives trip kicks Joey and Joey falls on his back while releasing the guns. Vash is now ticked off and starts to remember Rem. Vash puts his gun away and walks towards Knives slowly like a robot. _

Wolf: _to Vash surprised/angry tone _"What are you doing? No mercy! Don't be shallow."

_Vash just continues walking like Wolfwood said nothing._

Vash: _to Knives Yelling _"I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU HURT ANYMORE OF MY FRIENDS, KNIVES!"

_Knives laughs sarcastically._

_Vash runs towards Knives._

Vash: _to Knives Yelling as he runs towards him _"YOU BASTARD!"

_Vash grabs Knives in his ribs and starts to throw his body weight so they will fall over the edge. _

Vash: _to Knives yelling _"IF THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF YOU IS TO SACRIFICE MYSELF, SO BE IT!"

_Vash and Knives fall off the edge of the dam with Vash still holding on to Knives. _

Knives: _to Vash Yelling as they fall _

" V

A

S

H

T

H

E

S

T

A

M

P

E

E

E

D

E

!"

_Vash and Knives fall into the raging waters spilling out of the dam and disappear. Yugi, Wolfwood, Kaiba, Joey and Mokuba are looking over the edge and are sad and shocked Vash did that. Even Kaiba, but he isn't showing it._

_Kaiba, Wolfwood, Mokuba, Joey and Yugi run farther down away from the dam and see Vash floating a top the water. Joey drives in and rescues Vash and brings him back. On shore, Joey starts slapping Vash silly and shaking him by his collar to wake up. _

Joey: _as he shakes and slaps Vash commanding/worried tone to Vash _"WAKE UP!"

_Vash finally wakes up. _

Joey: _to himself out loud _"Thank God I didn't have to do C.P.R."

_Then at that moment they all see Knives dead man's floating along in the water._

Wolf: "And that's the end of that chapter."

_As everyone walks away Yugi still is there staring at Knives body with an uneasy feeling._

_At the end of the day...._

_Grandpa is back from the hospital and as Vash, Joey, Wolfwood and Yugi walk into the Game Shop Yugi gives Grandpa a **big **hug. _

Grandpa: "I got the phone working again, at least the speaker."

_Much later on..._

_Joey, Yugi, Grandpa, Wolfwood and Vash are hanging at the Game Shop Vash is still trying to learn Duel Monsters with Yugi. _

_And....._

_**Ring.**_

_**Ring.**_

_Vash gets up and puts the speaker on..... Pause._

Vash: _to phone _"Hello?"

_Soft sarcastic laughing that gets louder._

Person on speaker phone: _to Vash _"Will Vashy come to play?"

_More sarcastic laughing and then the line goes dead._

_Vash hangs up._

Yugi: _to Vash questionable tone _"What was that?"

Vash: _to Yugi _"Wrong number."

THE END?????

**Why we hate squirrels.... on vacation this summer me and my friend got a doughnut and brownie to eat in the morning, so we put the bag(containing the brownie and a doughnut) on top the fridge and the ants that morning where at the bag. So, we put the bag outside and later on a squirrel was munching on our goodies!!!**

**STUPID SQUIRREL!! Ate our goodies!!**

Kaiba: "I really wanted that brownie..."

Wheeler: "I really wanted that donut!!!"

Kaiba: "You and your doughnuts, Wheeler."

Wheeler: "Shut up, Kaiba."

Kaiba: "You shut up!"

Legato: "BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! I WANT A HOT DOG!"

Kaiba: "Not if I get first and Wheeler can have the kiddie meal."

Wheeler: "HEY, I'M NOT GETTING POISENED AGAIN."

Please send feedback!! Which "squirrel" ,blue or brown, is the worst? Would you like us to write, Part 2? Wolfwood's Revenge?

Wolfwood: "Stupid squirrels! They shall pay! Stealing my motorcycle! Destroying my cross!!"

Also, me and my friends plan on acting this out. Look for the 'Uncut' version of our Duelist Kingdom and what really happened.....


End file.
